I've been in a cave for forty days
Only your spark to light my way
Want to give out
Want to give in
This is our crime, this is our sin

But I still believe! I still believe!
Through the pain, through the grief
Through the lies, through the storms
Through the cries, through the wars
Oh, I still believe!

Flat on my back, out at sea
Hoping the waves don't cover me
Turned and tossed upon the waves
When the darkness comes, feel the grief
But I still believe, still believe
Through the cold, through the heat
Through the rain, through the tears,
Through the crowds, through the cheers
Oh, I still believe!

I'll march this road
I'll climb this hill
Upon my knees if I have to
I'll take my place upon this stage
I'll wait 'till the end of time for you
Like everybody else!

Out on my own, roaming the street
Look at the faces that I meet
Feel like I, like I want to go home
What do I feel, what do I know?

But I still believe, yes I still believe
Through the shame, through the grief
Through the heart ache, through the tears
Through the pain, through the years

Some people like us, in places like this
We need all the hope we can get
So I still believe, and I still believe!

The two other couples with them laughed heartily, then teased him gently about his distraction. He agreed with them, apologized, and became very determined that this evening would be 'normal'. It was Kieko's birthday outing and she had asked him to be her 'date'. He had been amused by her forwardness as she had asked with a tone that would broke no opposition even as she had blushed furiously.

It had been three months since they had been stranded in the United States after that disastrous encounter with The Four Sisters that had led to Hajime's Change. They were lucky that the Japanese community seemed to have no problems in hiring 'illegal' immigrants. Hajime had found a job in a book store and he and Matsuri were working in Shiro's family restaurant. They had even enrolled Owaru and Amaru in the public school system here under false names.

He closed his eyes, pushed those troubles away. Tonight he was nothing but a normal young man on a normal date. Right now they were on their way from a nice dinner supplied by Shiro's restaurant to a warehouse over by the wharves. Not the best area of town, but that was were Kieko wanted to go. She wanted to see the hottest new 'underground' band and her cousin with shadowy 'connections' had gotten them all tickets. And how could he resist going to see a group that called themselves 'The Dragon's Lovers'?

The warehouse was packed and smoky. Tables had been set up and there was a steady stream of scantily clad men and women running booze from the bar to the audience. Kieko's cousin waved to them from a well guarded table close to the stage and Tsuzuku and the other young men formed a wedge around the girls and shouldered and shoved, in his case very carefully, their way to the table. Kieko's cousin grinned and winked at him as he pulled out one of the chairs for Kieko to sit, then faded into the mob.

The warm-up band wasn't bad, though a little to 'heavy' for his personal taste. He ordered a glass of wine to nurse through the night as the rest of his table started on a variety of mixed drinks. He hoped he wouldn't have to carry any of them home drunk out of their minds. Kieko and the other two girls took turns dragging him out onto the dance floor and for a while became what he so much wanted to be.

The warm-up band finished to a good round of applause and left the stage. During the end of their set Kieko had slid her chair next to his and slithered up close. He had captured her hand and trapped it in his own to keep it from wandering on his thighs and wrapped his arm around her shoulders and so managed to contain her. She had already drank too much but seemed to acquiesce to this trapped cuddle. He was beginning to think that maybe tonight was not such a good idea. Kieko was too determined to carry through on something he had no way or desire to do with her.

"Dragon's Lovers!"

The crowd had taken up a rhythmic clap and their combined voices swelled into a roar of demand. The warehouse suddenly plunged into darkness and a single female voice sang one pure, sultry note which cut through the roar. A male voice joined it in an uneasy harmony that turned the sound into one of longing. The two voices wove around each other without any accompaniment, the harmony sometimes entwining like lovers only to break away into heart wrenching loneliness. Then back together. Tsuzuku felt all the fine hairs on his body rise in response. It was...incredible.

A total silence had fallen as the whole crowd fell under that spell. The two voices came together once more, the sound so pure, so full of sad, longing need, that he was convinced it could not come from human throats as it went on and on until it almost became painful. A guitar picked up the notes and moderated them into something human and familiar.

A spot pierced the darkness and brought the guitarist into being. A side silhouette in Levi's and a simple, white, sleeveless T-shirt. He sat on a high stool, one foot on the stage, the other resting on a rung. He was so pale he seemed almost to glow. The effect was added to by the silver sheen of his long black hair which hung over one shoulder, tied into a low ponytail with a red ribbon. Tsuzuku felt himself blush as a truly ecchi thought flashed through his mind. This man was beautiful! The appreciative sigh from Kieko and the other two girls at the table confirmed his evaluation. A drumbeat picked up behind the note as the guitarist began to change the note into a melody and another light found the drummer and trap set.

A spot set in the floor of the stage snapped on and a red swirl of smoke started as the rest of the band joined in. The original note had devolved into a dance demanding piece of rock and roll, yet all eyes were on the stage and that swirl. For a moment it seemed to shape a dragon as the female voice began to add the words for the melody. The smoke dragon dissipated in a violent whirl and left a woman. Tsuzuku knew it was a body suit, but the impression of the red dragon wrapped around her naked figure, the tip of its tail at her left ankle and its body wrapping around hers once so that the neck came over her right shoulder and its nose rested just above her belly button was totally believable. He just sat and stared, stunned, as the crowd roared its appreciation.

He found his mouth suddenly dry as he tried to swallow. Whereas his first impression of the guitarist had been one of a creature composed of moonlight, this woman was a thing of the sun. Short, soft, yellow curls framed an elfin face surrounded golden skin. Not tanned, golden. She smiled at the audience and gestured with her hands as she started to dance and bid them come and join her. And they did.

Kieko tried to pull him up but he just shook his head. She gave him a pretty pout and a shrug, then went to find another partner. That suited him fine. He sat entranced. No. More than entranced. The woman seemed distracted, almost stumbling over the words of the song as her eyes scanned the crowd. They lit and focused on him and she did stop singing for a moment. He saw the guitarist glance up with concern as she covered that mistake so well that it seemed a part of the song. Gods! Had she recognized him? How? She tore her gaze away and returned to the crowd, but now the guitarist had found him. They locked eyes for a second, then the man dropped his head and went back to his focus on the music.

The songs were full of erotic imagery and the music was doing something strange to him. He felt dangerously overheated and shifted uncomfortably as his body responded physically to the hard driving rhythm and the woman's sultry voice as she sang of the pleasures of the bedroom. And it got even worse and embarrassed him when the guitarist joined in. But he noticed that after that first glance, neither of them looked his way again. Why? Who were they and what did they know about him? If anything? The last song was slow and sad and particularly haunting...

Oh, it's your survival
Captured by my dream
No matter where you go, I will find you
If it takes a long, long time
No matter where you go, I will find you
If it takes a thousand years

Our bright heaven shudders
Gone night and moon and dreams
No matter where you go, I will find you
In a place we'll know from dreams
No matter where you go, I will find you
If it takes a thousand years

No matter where you go, I will find you...

Not so much the words but the spell their voices wove around it. His own chest tightened with longing and hard tears as their voices hung on that last word and the accompaniment faded out instrument by instrument. The lights faded a bit as each instrument was lost until it was only the darkness and those two voices and that lost, sad note. He was up and moving before the echo faded. He had to talk to them!

He used the cover of the darkness and the stunned silence of the crowd to get onto the platform and slip backstage.

He saw the drummer. "Excuse me."

"Who are you? What are you doing back here?" The big man eyed him.

"Ryudo Tsuzuku," he gave a little bow, then shook his head. It was hard to remember that you gave your family name last here. "I need to talk to the woman and the man who was playing the guitar."

"Yeah. Doesn't everybody," the man snorted. "You'd better leave before I call security."

"Please. I have to talk to them! It's important," he was aware of the two dark clad and well muscled men heading for him.

"That's what they all say. I can't help you. And now, you'd better leave," he nodded at the two men who came to stand on either side of him.

He knew this was a battle he didn't want and couldn't afford so he went docilely. Kieko and the group were waiting at the table as the two men led him towards the door. They hurried to catch up with him and his escort as the men shoved him out.

"Tsuzuku-kun! Where did you go?" Kieko swayed as she put both hands on her hips.

"Backstage. I wanted to meet the band but didn't have much luck," he shrugged back and thought about how to extract himself from her and go to see if he could catch them as they left.

Then he took in Kieko's state as she answered him. He would have to escort her home. She was too drunk to trust by herself and their companions weren't in any shape to make sure she got home safely.

"Oh. Well, I could have gotten you back there without any trouble if you would have just told me!" she pouted, then her eyes went dreamy. "That Lebeau Remy is just too bishonen. But not as beautiful as you!"

She said it with a tease as she wiggled up next to him and leaned against his side. He had to put his arm around her to keep her upright and gave an inward sigh. Well, he had a name to work on hunting down and he could come to the next show and catch them then if he had to.

Lebeau Remy. Maybe she knew the woman's too.

"Kieko, do you know the band members?" he asked as the little group merged with the flow of people heading for the subway station.

She nodded. "Well, I've met them. My cousin took me backstage the first time I went to one of their concerts. Lebeau-san was very shy and Lee-san very nice. Luke-san, the keyboard player, asked me out but Daddy wouldn't let me go."

"Lee-san?" he dug for some more information.

"Yes. The singer," she looked at him and a hard, sly cast came across her face. "She and Lebeau are lovers, you know."

It was obvious she wasn't going to give up Lee-san's first name. "I enjoyed the concert. When is the next time they are performing, do you know? I think my brother would like to see them too."

Kieko laughed. "Who knows? That's part of what makes them so popular. They play when they feel like it and give the club manager only a day to get the word out. But they never fail to pack a warehouse."

"Your cousin is in charge for the security for them when they play, isn't he?"

She giggled and nodded.

"Will you tell me the next time they are going to put on a show?"

She giggled and nodded again as he steered her onto the subway car. She was a subtle tease the whole trip back on the train. Normally he would have just ignored it but tonight it was hard. He was more aroused than he had realized and Kieko's light touches where just making it worse. And it was a futile thing. He knew it from experience. When he had finally gotten up the courage to ask Hajime about it after two frustrating encounters, his brother had told him that it was just not possible for males with dragon blood to achieve orgasm with a partner not of the same blood. It had explained a lot about his brother and his seeming lack of interest in the women who adored him.

The couples parted once they had reached their station and he walked Kieko to the building that held both of their apartments.

"No one's home tonight, Tsuzuku-san," she whispered as she turned into him in the hallway. He startled as her hands went to press against his groin.

"And I want you as the last part of my birthday present," she purred.

He took her hands into his own and brought them up to kiss. "I'm honored, Kieko-san. But I don't think so. You are drunk and I...well, it wouldn't be wise."

She pouted at him. "But you want me just as much, don't you? I felt him, you know!" she gave him a sly wink.

"It doesn't matter, Kieko-san. I'm sorry, but you should go in and go to bed," he gave her a bow and turned to go.

"Tsuzuku-san? Why? Am I not good enough for you?" her voice turned hard and shrewish.

He turned back to her and gave her a gentle smile. "You are too good for me, Kieko-san. Now, go in and go to bed."

That seemed to take all the hurt bluster out of her in a rush. She bowed and made a wobbly turn, then was inside. He ran up the ten flights of stairs to the tiny apartment that the five of them shared hoping the exercise would take the edge off the flare of desire that burned along his nerves. It worked. He opened the door as quietly as possible.

"Have fun?" Hajime asked from his futon on the floor of the main room.

"Hai. It was an interesting evening. You need to go and see this band, Brother," he answered as he toed off his shoes.

"I don't think we could afford it, Tsuzuku-kun," Hajime said softly and lightly, but Tsuzuku knew he was worrying. And not just over their lack of funds.

"As you told me, Brother, a little relaxation every now and then is vital for the well being of the soul," Tsuzuku answered back then turned to tip-toe down the short hall for the bathroom.

He came back out in a tee-shirt and gym shorts and settled into the futon next to Hajime's. Matsuri, Amaru and Owaru were in the one bedroom with a rigged wall of a curtain between them.

"I'm glad you had a good evening, Tsuzuku," Hajime said to bid him good-night.

He kicked the covers off and let the cooler night air from the open window wash over him. He forced himself to relax, to ignore it, and softly hummed a different popular song that he liked to overcome the memory of those voices. After a few minutes it worked and he slipped back into a light doze. He wandered in and out of a restless sleep for the next hour and a half and at 6:00 finally gave it up and worked his way out of the tangle of his sheets. He still had half an hour before his cousin's internal alarm clock would go off and bring her chipper and chirping out of the bedroom with a grumbling Owaru and a sloe-eyed Amaru in her wake. He headed for the bathroom. Enough time for a private bath. And he hoped a few minutes under a cold shower would take of care of his elevated temperature and his erection.

The day did not go well. It had started out with him being uncharacteristically short-tempered and snapping at Owaru and Amaru as they grumbled about having to go to 'that lousy public school'. They had both tip-toed around him through the rest of their rush to get out the door and he had handed them their lunches with a soft apology.

Hajime had thankfully missed his snarl and he busied himself with starting on the vegetables for the dinner Matsuri would leave for his brothers as she gathered the laundry and went down with Hajime as escort to do it. This was not a safe place and he wished once more in vain for the life they had left behind as he chopped and peeled.

They got Hajime off to work at 9:30 then he left Matsuri to cook as he went 'hunting'. It had taken some work but he finally had an address to go with the name, Lebeau Remy. It was in the high class part of the city. He was late getting back to walk Matsuri to work. They had to run and still were five minutes late.

He was also uncharacteristically clumsy and dropped two trays, much to the annoyance of Ichomi-san though his wife just smiled and helped him clean the mess up. He was acutely aware of the furtive glances and whispers from many of the women, young and old, and the hungry stares of many of the men. Normally those men amused him, yet today they bothered him. They reminded him too much of how he had stared at Lebeau Remy and the wave of desire that had come with it.

He had never considered such things before. Yet he had not been able to get rid of either Lebeau-san or Lee-san's images. They kept popping up at unguarded moments and with equal strength. He shook his head to dispel them once more as the bell rang in his sequence informing him that another dinner was ready and returned Matsuri's wink and grin as she passed him with a tray of her own.

He found he didn't have much of an appetite when he took his dinner break. In fact, he had no appetite at all despite the excellent quality of the food. Ichomi-san fussed when she saw him at the tiny break table in the corner of the kitchen reading with the plate untouched. He managed to get down a few bites under her concerned and threatening eye, then glanced at his watch and was thankful to have to go back to work.

Matsuri was all yawns as they headed home and not talking much which suited him just fine. The September night was too hot, even at this late hour. Indian Summer, Ichomi-san had called it. And he had finally figured out he had a headache. It was an interesting sensation but he had had experienced about enough of it and was ready for it to go away. It didn't and it was a relief to just lay down in the dimness after everyone had finally gotten settled. Hajime had asked if he was all right and he had assured him he was fine, just tired. He was sure that was all it was.

They looked at him and asked together, "Who are we?"

"I don't know," he whispered back.

"Who are we?" they demanded again.

"I..." pain stabbed through his head and he swayed, then fell.

Two pairs of hands caught him and lowered him gently. His head rested on Remy's knees and those long, gentle fingers rubbed soft circles against the pain. He gazed down into the molten pools of amber that where the woman's eyes then, almost against his will, his eyes shifted to the man's. Quite and dark as the night sky, the irises flecked with sparkling bits of silver like stars.

"The Sun and the Moon. That is what you are," he whispered to them both and closed his eyes.

The pain vanished under Remy's fingers and he felt her loosen his clothing. The whisper soft stroke of her fingers against the muscles of his chest and stomach as she worked on undressing him set his skin on fire. He woke, his body hot and tense and thrumming with a need that he had no way to release. 5:00. He curled into a knot, then uncoiled quickly as that position proved just too uncomfortable and too hot.

He rose in one fast fluid motion and padded to the bathroom, closed and locked the door behind him. Gods! He was so...aroused! Even the movement of the air against his skin as he hurried to the one private spot in the apartment had been sensuous. He leaned back against the door and closed his eyes. Then he moved, turned the cold water for the shower on.

Maybe, just this once...please...he begged anything who might be listening as he sank to his knees on the hard faded linoleum and his hands went to the center of his need. There was no relief. He only sent the pitch of his desire higher, if that was possible. And he knew he was dangerously hot as his head started to throb in time with the pounding of his heart. He wanted to let the power, the fire rush out of him! But he couldn't! Not here! He had a wild thought about getting to the roof and just letting go but he couldn't do that either. It would bring the Gyushu and their Four Sisters henchmen down on them. He crawled into the tub and sat in a hunched up knot of misery as the frigid water rained down.

It took him a few seconds to realize the soft but insistent knock wasn't the echo of his headache. He rose and stepped out of the tub and grabbed a towel to hold in front of his stiff nakedness. He unlocked and opened the door to his eldest brothers concerned countenance.

"Tsuzuku-kun?"

"I just had a disturbing dream, Elder Brother. Go back to bed," Tsuzuku forced himself to smile.

Hajime looked him up and down with a frown. Tsuzuku was too pale and had a fragile look about him. But that could just be the effect of the terrible fluorescent lighting.

"You want to tell me about it?" he offered.

"No!"

Hajime blinked into the vehemence of his brother's response.

Tsuzuku took a deep breath and resisted the urge to rub at his forehead and the pain behind it.

"No. It was...silly, Elder Brother. I imagine it is just from stress and not worth worrying about," he didn't want to add to Hajime's worries.

He would go today and talk to Lebeau Remy and, hopefully, Lee-san. He hoped that whatever he discovered about them and from them would put these dreams to rest.

"Are you sure, Tsuzuku-kun?" Hajime felt an uneasy prickling go up and down his spine.

Something was bothering his brother a lot, this he knew for certain. But Tsuzuku was the master of the side-step and it could take him days to ferret out what was bothering him if his brother chose not to share his troubles. And he knew that if it was something serious, Tsuzuku would come to him with it.

"Hai. I'm certain, Elder Brother. It was just a dream," Tsuzuku gave him a wan smile that was supposed to be reassuring.

Hajime sighed inwardly, but decided the best thing he could do was to let it ride for the moment.

"I'll get the coffee started, then," he turned and left his brother to finish his shower.

Hajime kept up a light and mostly one-sided conversation as he started breakfast and smiled at the coming image of a flustered Matsuri-chan emerging to find her morning chore taken care of. Tsuzuku seemed distracted and withdrawn as he put his Eldest brothers, Owaru and Amaru's lunches together. He made the appropriate sounds in the right places to let his brother know that he was listening, but not much else.

Matsuri was flustered and amused to find breakfast waiting when she came out and teased him about doing such a good job that she felt she could safely turn over this chore to him as they ate. He did notice that she kept glancing at Tsuzuku's quiet presence throughout the meal. Amaru and Owaru seemed oblivious to their second oldest brothers withdrawal and were chatting a mile a minute. The soccer try-outs were this afternoon for the school team and Owaru was ecstatic.

He noticed with a slight frown that Tsuzuku had eaten nothing on his plate. He teased Matsuri back with the observation that if he kept cooking, Tsuzuku would starve to death. That seemed to pull his brother out of his thoughts.

"I'm sorry, Hajime. I'm just not very hungry this morning," he apologized. "But if you let him keep cooking, Matsuri-chan, you and I will be doing dishes forever!"

He offered it with a smile and Hajime saw Matsuri relax. That was much more the Tsuzuku they knew.

"Speaking of dishes, I believe that's my job today and if I have any hope of getting them done, I'd better start now."

He excused himself with a little bow and a playful glare in his oldest brothers direction. Hajime felt himself relax. Whatever it was, Tsuzuku seemed to have worked past it.

Tsuzuku concentrated on keeping his good humor in place and ignoring his headache and the discomfort of his clothing. He was worrying his brothers and Matsuri. Amaru had come in with the last load of dishes and stacked them with the rest on the counter and then gave him a silent but fierce hug around his waist.

"You O.K., Brother?" Amaru asked, full of concern.

"I will be, Amaru-kun. I just had a disturbing dream this morning. Nothing for you to worry about," he smiled down at his youngest brother.

"Was it a dragon dream?" Amaru asked quietly. He knew all about how disturbing the dragon dreams could be.

"Not really. It was just a strange dream. You know. One of those that leaves you feeling weird all day?"

Amaru nodded.

"Well, it was just a dream, right? Don't let it bother you so much!" he smiled back as he parroted Owaru's oft spoken advise to his own night jaunts.

"I won't, Amaru-kun. Now, go get dressed or you'll be late!" he scolded.

Owaru came in as Amaru left and hovered with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. Tsuzuku sighed to himself and forced a smile.

"Owaru-kun?"

"Are you all right, Brother?" Owaru asked bluntly, armed with the knowledge that his second oldest brother did not lie.

"I just didn't sleep well last night, Owaru-kun. I'm tired. As soon as you all get out the door, I'm going to take a nap, O.K.?"

"O.K. You should eat something too," he said it as a suggestion, but there was the tone of command under it.

It brought an honest smile to Tsuzuku's face.

"I will, Owaru-kun," he would, as soon as he could face food without the immediate wave of nausea the thought of consuming it was creating.

Owaru nodded and gathered their lunches.

"Good luck with the try-outs this afternoon. I would come and watch but I have the dinner shift tonight," he said in apology.

"Don't worry about it, Brother. I'm not going to have any competition so it would be boring anyway," Owaru was all arrogance and swagger as he left the room.

Tsuzuku started to shake his head with an amused smile and stopped quickly as the movement made the edges of his vision darken. He grabbed the edge of the sink as he felt his knees go lax. Gods! What was wrong with him? Was he getting sick? That couldn't be. They didn't get sick! The light-headedness passed just as Matsuri bounced in to help. She had the lunch shift today so she would be home in time to cook the dinner. She gave him a suspicious stare. If she asked if he was all right also, he would scream. No. He wouldn't, he would just think about doing it, hard.

She didn't, she just came and took the half-washed dish out of his hand and pointed out the kitchen door.

"Tsuzuku-kun, go lay down."

He went without protest. He wanted nothing more than to lay down and close his eyes for a few minutes and see if that would ease the pounding of his head. The headache had taken precedence over everything now, even his desire. He closed the curtain against the brightness of the one small window and laid down gingerly on the small bed that belonged to Matsuri. He didn't understand how 'normal' people put up with these.

Maybe this is what is called a 'migraine'. It was still too bright. He put his arm over his eyes and counted his heartbeat as he attempted to distract himself from the pain.

Hajime leaned against the doorway to the bedroom and watched his second brother's restless sleep. Matsuri looked up from her place beside him and pulled him away.

"Let him sleep, Hajime-san. I will keep an eye on him and if he doesn't seem better, I'll call us both in sick, all right?"

Hajime ran his fingers through his hair as he debated. He was worried that Tsuzuku might be getting 'sick', though from what and how he had no idea.

"He's probably just overtired and he hasn't eaten lately. Ichomi-san told me he didn't eat last night. And he only picked at breakfast and lunch yesterday and you know how you all get when you don't eat. I'll make him eat before I leave and I'm sure that will solve most of the problem, O.K.?"

Hajime nodded. That was probably a lot of it. Tsuzuku had the 'dragon' equivalent of low blood sugar. "O.K. But if he gets worse or won't eat, you call me and I'll come home early, O.K.?"

"Hai, Elder Brother!" she mimicked Tsuzuku to a tee and winked.

It reassured him. Matsuri knew them and their moods better than they themselves. He could leave Tsuzuku in her care with no worries. She handed him his lunch and escorted him to the door.

"He'll be O.K., Hajime. He will!" she told him firmly.

"I know. Make sure you do all the locks, Matsuri-chan," he reminded her as he let himself lean down and give her a fast kiss on the forehead. He waited outside the closed door and counted the clicks, then went to work.