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by Shannon M. Richmeyer |
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"You are angry with me. Why?" Tsuzuku flashed him a troubled frown under anxious eyes. "I was caught up in a memory, I didn't mean..." Tsuzuku trailed off, still fighting to distance himself from the emotional impact of his dream. "I apologize, Elder Brother," he dropped his gaze to the calm surface of his tea, flustered and slightly embarrassed that he couldn't seem to articulate the conflicting emotions that were still roiling under his outward composure. "Tsuzuku, I understand. Trust me, I understand. But I would like to know what happened to jar such a violent reaction out of you." Tsuzuku took another sip of tea to moisten his suddenly dry mouth and willed the words out. Words that described but could never explain what had happened. "Lebeau-san's past self had just been killed and we were forced to leave Lee-san behind." ah. There it is. Gods, he must have loved these two greatly. Who are they? Why don't I remember them? "I made you leave her behind?" Hajime asked softly. "There was nothing you could do. Nothing any of us could do. I know that now." Tsuzuku closed his eyes, hiding the pain that Hajime could see in them. "It was just...hard...to re-live it." Hajime put his hand on his brother's shoulder, offering comfort even as he steeled himself to ask Tsuzuku to go into detail about his dream. "I'm sorry, Tsuzuku. But I need to know. Will you tell me the details of your dream?" Tsuzuku drew a shuddering breath and gave a brusque nod. He told Hajime his impression of the Gate, of the Go who went through before them, of Taishinoufujin's rebellion and the Council's reaction. He deliberately omitted the whole scene with Ophishu and Blood, simply ending his narrative with, 'Then we went through the Gate.' He left it out because the truths he had discovered about Blood in his dream were disturbing on many levels. He now had a probable answer to why his lovers had been slaves. To why Remy had Ophishu's eyes. Hajime cocked his head as Tsuzuku finished, a puzzled frown on his handsome features. "If the Go were allowed to accompany us, why did we have to leave Lee-san behind? She was Go, correct?" Tsuzuku groaned to himself. He should have know better than to hope that his brother would have missed that little oversight. "Yes. And no." Hajime cocked an eyebrow at him and felt a shiver of unease crawl up his spine when Tsuzuku held his silence. "And just what do you mean by that, Tsuzuku?" he coaxed. Tsuzuku put his cup down, his movements very deliberate and controlled as his need to share his troubled thoughts with his oldest brother warred with his fear of Hajime's reaction to the knowledge. The words came without his conscious decision. "They were half-breeds." Hajime startled slightly at the anguish and anger that broke through the calm of his brother's features as he whispered those words. "Half-bred with what?" Hajime wondered out loud, confused and perplexed by his brother's distress. They had both discovered through their research into dragons that, unlike their modern descendants, their male ancestors were able to mate with other beings. Hakkei and Taishinoufujin were perfect examples of that. In fact, if the family legend was to be believed, the mother of their original incarnations had been a Daughter of the Sea. "Gyushu." Tsuzuku almost spit out the word. "They were half Go, half Gyushu, Hajime! How could that be?" Hajime stared at his brother as those words sunk in. Disgust touched his features as he found himself totally revolted by the very idea that a Dragon would mate with a Gyushu. Then he heard the hesitance, the uncertainty that was wrapped around Tsuzuku's last question and registered his brother's almost pleading gaze. He realized suddenly how hard it must be for Tsuzuku to tell him this, how upset he must be to find out that his two new 'friends' had such ties to their enemies. He knew that Tsuzuku was looking to him for answers as his brother's hands clenched into white knuckled fists on the table top. Answers he did not have to give. Tsuzuku felt his stomach jump and tighten as he studied Hajime's expression and saw that his oldest brother's reaction to his news was just what he had feared. He continued to try to explain, hoping that he could temper Hajime's distrust and disgust. He had no idea what he would do if his Elder Brother flat out forbade him to see them again. "They were Gyushu slaves at one time, Elder Brother. The Council said, 'that property has been returned to its rightful owners.' They gave Lee-san back to Ophishu. He had her on a leash!" Tsuzuku heard the anger that colored his voice, a fury that burned around the echo of a hollow ache that was more than a memory. He made himself take a deep breath and forced his hands to open and relax. That was then...past and done. He needed to deal with the here-and-now. As Hakkei had promised, Blood and Dust had found him again and he needed all his wits and composure to convince his oldest brother that this was a good thing. Hajime's first instinct, which was to forbid Tsuzuku to have anything else to do with these two, began to fade as he listened to his brother's impassioned words. Gods. Half-Gyushu Go held in slavery by the Gyushu? How in hell could that have happened? Hajime forced down his revulsion and made himself look objectively at the situation as his brother paused and, with a visible effort, made himself relax. A sense of outrage grew in him as he ran various scenarios through his mind. None of them were pleasant. "Tsuzuku, were there others like Lee and Lebeau-san?" he asked with the suspicion that there might have been others under his and his brother's protection that had been handed back to the Gyushu. Tsuzuku blinked at him, obviously startled. "I'm not certain..." Hajime held his silence and waited patiently as Tsuzuku cocked his head and unfocused slightly. "Not any that I can remember." Tsuzuku blushed slightly, upset that he had been so self-centered that he hadn't even considered that there might have been others in Blood and Dust's situation. Hajime sighed and gave a mental shrug, hating his feeling of helpless frustration, of not 'knowing'. He knew that there were very complex politics going on in the heavenly realms that he had no idea of. Things that would explain the 'why' to their current situation. He turned his attention back to his brother, unsure of what to say or do. This little revelation put a whole new spin on his brother's relationship with Lee and Lebeau-san. Gods! Why did it have to be Gyushu? Why not a minor river deity or some forest spirit? He trusted Tsuzuku's judgement of people implicitly, but still, could they ever really trust anything that had been tainted by the Gyushu? That Clan was deceitful and devious by nature and what better way to catch a dragon then by baiting a trap with something precious and thought lost? What if Lee and Lebeau-san held Tsuzuku responsible for their past selves deaths and abandonment and were out for revenge? "Do Lee-san or Lebeau-san remember their past lives, Tsuzuku?" "I don't know." There was a harshness in his brother's voice and Hajime knew that Tsuzuku was asking himself the same questions. "Until we know for certain whether they are friends or enemies, I want you to be very cautious around them, Tsuzuku." "Hai, Elder Brother. I won't do anything that will put us in danger." There was an unspoken promise under those words. Hajime put his hand on his brother's wrist and gave a gentle squeeze. His voice was full of sympathy and compassion as he acknowledged that promise. "I know you won't, Tsuzuku."
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He knew Hajime was uneasy about this visit, but he just couldn't wait. He could have called them, but he had the added excuse of wanting to return Remy's journal and the pictures. Besides, delivering the invitation to come to dinner tomorrow in person would give him a chance to see them, to be near them. It would also give him the opportunity to find out just how much they knew of what was going on, past and present. A chance to silence the uneasy, suspicious rumble of doubt that had taken up residence in his thoughts since his dream from last night. He pressed the book tucked under his arm tight against his side with a troubled sigh. Until he knew for certain that his new friends had no ties to the Gyushu in the 'now', he was going to have to be very, very cautious around them.
He halted before the reception desk at 5:00 P.M. exactly. An older man had taken the woman's place and gave him a friendly smile.
"Tsuzuku Ryudo. Apartment 1712, please."
The man nodded and dialed. He heard his name mentioned, and then the man hung up and motioned toward the elevator.
"Go ahead up, Mr. Ryudo."
Tannis answered his knock. All of his firm resolve to keep both of them at arms length fled as she regarded him with a closed and guarded expression, almost as cold as the expression Blood had worn when he had been forced to leave her behind. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch her cheek, to tell her that he had tried to reach her in that other place and time. To bring a hint of any emotion, gentle or not, to her face.
"Remy's not here," Tannis informed him curtly and her small figure seemed to form an impenetrable barrier between himself and the room beyond.
That snapped him out of his reverie. He tried to cover his dismay, never having considered that Tannis might not let him in without Remy present.
"Oh. I apologize. I should have called first. Would you give this back to Remy-san for me?" he asked as he offered the journal with a slight bow.
He saw something he couldn't place flick across her features as she took the book.
"Would you like to come in anyway?" she relented and offered a tentative smile.
"Yes, I would," Tsuzuku answered with a relieved smile of his own and stepped across the threshold as she moved out of the way.
"Remy's out shopping. He should be back soon," Tannis informed him as she closed the door and walked to deposit the journal unceremoniously onto the coffee table before the sofa. "I just made some coffee. Would you like some?"
Tsuzuku nodded. "How did the show go?" he asked, hunting for a safe topic of conversation as he followed her toward the kitchen.
"Good," she answered and gave him a real smile. "There's the first review," she pointed to an open newspaper on the table.
He paused at the table and scanned over the article as Tannis went into the kitchen. It was full of nothing but praise for a rapidly rising star in the art world. He glanced at the accompanying photo of one of the paintings. It was three entwined nudes, two male and one female, in dramatic, low lighting. The shadows were so heavy that one could not make out more than a hint of their features. It was very tastefully done. And very erotic. He blinked and picked up the section of paper, totally focused on the picture. He felt the heat of a blush spread across his cheeks as he put together heights, the lengths and styles that accompanied the few splashes of color that highlighted hair.
Tannis paused in the doorway, a coffee mug in each hand and wondered what had caught Tsuzuku's attention so much. Then she saw his color and knew.
Oh, hell. She had totally forgotten that photo was with the article. A twinge of guilt combined with her inner amusement as she saw Their Dragon swallow hard. It was the only one of her 'private' collection that she had included in the show. It was one of her favorites and she had felt safe enough in the anonymity of the figures. They could have been anybody.
She took a deep breath and started across the few feet to where he stood. Tsuzuku looked at her sharply as she offered the mug in her right hand. Her amusement faded quickly as she saw the embarrassment and confusion in his face. She held his eyes with her own, keeping her expression neutral as she waited to see what was going to happen. If he didn't say anything, then neither would she.
He broke eye contact first and put the paper down as he reached for the mug. She waited for a demand of explanation, or his anger, as she eased herself into one of the chairs. Tsuzuku focused totally on her, the late afternoon sunlight streaming in from the sliding doors making the green of his eyes intense. Tannis blinked against the bottomless and unfathomable pull of them.
"Have you dreamt about another time? Another place?" His calm question caught her totally off guard.
She hid her startlement under the flat tone of her reply. "You know about Blood and Dust.
"Yes. I know of our..." Tsuzuku paused and swallowed hard, "...of the relationship between Chukei, Blood and Dust. And how it ended." He saw Tannis tense and pale slightly as he was taking another breath to continue.
"Remy doesn't know what happened to Blood. He won't know," Tannis stated into the pause.
Tsuzuku tipped his head slightly in shock at the barely veiled threat that accompanied the vehemence of her tone. He blinked at her a few times as she almost bristled with hostility once more. He understood her reaction, though, as the guilty voice he had been unable to silence snuck up on him once more. The voice that accused him with soft whispers that he had abandoned and betrayed her, had left her alive and in the hands of the Gyushu. She had a very good reason to distrust him...even to hate him. He feared that she felt both things towards him as her eyes narrowed and the deep, molten gold undercurrents in them seemed to swirl and spark. He stood, frozen and uncertain of what to say, afraid that anything he offered would only make matters worse between them. Thankfully, she lowered her eyes and turned the fury of her gaze onto the mug between her hands.
Tannis fought to get a firm hold of the violent surge of fear, and the cloud of anger that swirled around it, caused by Tsuzuku's statement. It had unnerved her that he had brought that horrible time up. It figured that he would remember something that she kept trying so hard to keep buried and forgotten. Something that Remy should never, ever know. She studied the flustered Dragon standing before her carefully as she hung in that strange mental clarity and stillness that came with her temper, keeping her observation hidden behind her lowered lashes.
Tsuzuku's right hand moved a bit, starting towards her. Then the gesture was aborted and turned into a reach for his mug. She saw the sincerity, the sorrow, and the guilt that was reflected in his beautiful features and glowed in the emerald fire of his eyes. She made herself focus on the wariness and bitter feelings that washed through her once more and knew their source.
It was Blood...Blood's memories, Blood's experiences that were tainting her reactions to Tsuzuku in the now. Blood blamed her hard life on the Go. But she was not Blood! She and Remy had talked on the long drive home this afternoon and she had made herself take a long step away from that other...person...that lurked about in her soul. It had allowed her to think long and hard about their current situation.
Somehow, she and Remy had ended up on the Wheel to be reincarnated with Their Dragon again, and this time their lives had been good. For herself, loving parents, money, prestige. She had been given another chance to be with Dust and the Dragon. Another chance...and she would be damned if she was going to let that long dead and warped creature she had been screw it up! She took a deep breath and steadied herself, wanting...no...needing, to re-open the lines of communication between them. Tannis managed to keep her tone friendly and calm as she tried to cover her violent reaction.
"There was nothing he could have done about it. Dust was already dead. It would only upset him to know what happened."
"I understand, Lee-san," Tsuzuku offered back softly, hoping that she would hear his unspoken assurance that this would remain between them. And he wondered now if Remy's acceptance of himself would be different if he knew the truth. That thought pulled the words he had been wanting so desperately to say to her out of him.
"I didn't want to leave you there. I tried...," Tsuzuku's voice quavered, then halted. He found himself staring at the deep blue of the carpet under his feet, unable to go on, knowing that simple words could not erase what had happened.
Tannis heard the deep pain that throbbed under those faltering words, and the plea for forgiveness. Something that she, as Tannis, had in her ability to give, if she chose. Something that Blood had never been able to do. Blood had been a creature who could only think in blacks and whites...rights and wrongs. She had no concept of the grey edges that colored the rest of the world. Blood had never forgiven, never forgotten and it had driven her somewhat mad, for she still loved the Dragon, even as she died. For a moment that horrible mix of emotions threatened to swallow her, but she had a lot of practise at beating Blood into submission. She had fought Blood's darkness her whole life and won. She would continue to do so. She chose, and Blood slunk back into the corners of her mind. Still there, but silenced once more.
"I know that," Tannis answered quietly.
Tsuzuku's head jerked up and she could see the hesitant hope wrapped around the distress that clouded his expression. Her smile was reassuring as she stood up and closed the gap between them with two steps. She took the mug out of his hand and set it down, and then took both of his hands into her own.
"I know that, Tsuzuku." She said it very firmly this time. Tsuzuku's fingers closed tightly around hers as she gazed earnestly at him.
Tsuzuku swallowed convulsively and told himself to ignore the tickling flutter in his chest and groin, to simply enjoy the beauty of the fading sunlight that highlighted the soft angles of her face and glowed in her hair. To be satisfied with the fact that Tannis understood that he had tried. He felt a sudden need to explain that he understood that their relationship was different now, that he had no hold over her in any way.
"Lee-san, I have no intentions..." he ground his mental teeth, that wasn't right, he did have intentions, a lot of them that were almost impossible to ignore with her standing so close... "I have no right to expect...I mean, I understand that what was between Chukei and Blood...and you and Remy..."
Tannis grinned into Tsuzuku's stumbling rush of words as she extracted her left hand from his right. She found it very sweet that he was being so polite and trying so hard to deny the desire that was almost flowing off of him in waves. A desire, she discovered, that ran through her also. She touched his lips with her forefinger, bringing his words to a halt.
"It's Tannis, Tsuzuku."
Tsuzuku became totally still and his eyes drifted closed as she, now that she had touched him, just had to trace the perfect curves of his lips with her fingertip. The shudder that ran through him ended in the gentle pressure of an almost hesitant kiss against the underside of the finger that tickled the sensitive skin of his lips. Tannis forced her hand to draw back from his face, finding herself suddenly hesitant, uncertain of the feelings that flooded through her. He opened his eyes slowly as she moved her hand away and she found herself caught, trapped into a mental and physical stillness by the luminous hunger she saw in those verdant depths.
Tsuzuku was reaching for her hand, wanting to kiss her fingertips, wanting to encourage the caress to continue when he heard the door open. He jerked his hand away, startled, and quickly released Tannis' other hand as a wave of guilt washed over him. What was he doing? Tannis and Remy were a couple, and a very happy one without him. He had no right to intervene. No right to even be in their lives since he had been the cause of so much pain in their last ones and had nothing to offer but danger in this new one. A chill ran through him as that realization dawned in one crystal clear instant. He had been so absorbed in ferreting out the puzzle of their existence and what it had to do with him that he had completely overlooked the fact that his very presence was dragging them back into this seemingly unending cycle of strife that was between the Dragon Kings and the Gyushu.
It was something he could not let happen again. As soon as he could politely do so, he would leave with the dinner invitation unspoken, and remove himself from their lives. The very thought of not seeing them again cut like a frigid wind through his soul, but it was for the best. For all of them. For their safety. He just couldn't stand the sudden awareness that they might be hurt once more because of him.
"Evenin', Cher," Remy bid him with a grin and raised eyebrow as he detected the high color of Their Dragon and saw his fast step away from Tannis.
"Good evening, Lebeau-san," Tsuzuku managed to get out in an almost normal voice as Remy walked past them on the way to the kitchen with the grocery bags.
He put his hands behind his back as he shot a sideways glance at Tannis. She had put her hands on her hips and was regarding him with a slightly perplexed expression. He swallowed hard and steeled himself for what he had to do.
"I should go," he glanced toward the kitchen and the sounds of Remy moving about. "You have things to do and I am distracting you."
"No. You should not," Tannis contradicted, still too close for his comfort. She kept her gaze steady on his face as she called, "Remy, Tsuzuku knows about Blood and Dust."
Tsuzuku felt a quiver of anxiety go through him as Remy appeared at the kitchen door and he realized what his acknowledgment of their past relationships must mean to this man. Gods...this was not what he had intended...what was wrong with him that he wasn't thinking things through?
"Does he now?" Remy asked as he leaned to rest his shoulder against the door frame. "Well, that must have been some revelation, neh, Cher?" he asked with strange, quirked smile.
Tsuzuku knew he was blushing furiously as his gaze slid away from the two of them in a combination of embarrassment and guilt and came to rest on the carpet once more. He knew he had to leave. Now. This whole encounter had gone in a direction he hadn't anticipated and he just could not get his thoughts in order to deal with it. He had to get out of here.
"I really must go."
"Tsuzuku, we need be talkin' bout this," Remy said calmly, but with an undeniable tone of demand under his voice.
Tsuzuku retreated another step, shaking his head 'no'.
"I need to go," he told them once more as his hands clenched into fists at his sides.
"It be all right, Cher," Remy said in a soothing voice as he pushed himself off the door frame and moved to Tannis' side.
"Tsuzuku, we do need to talk about this. Now. We," Tannis spared a glance toward her lover and reached for Remy's hand and gave it a hard squeeze, "have been waiting for you a long time."
One of the things Remy had said on the drive back that the three of them were destined to be together. That the forces that moved them toward each other were as inevitable as tides, and just as relentless. She realized now how true that was...and accepted it. She also could tell that Tsuzuku was on the verge of bolting and the chill of a premonition shivered through her soul. Some inner voice told her that if he ran from them now, he would never come back.
"Don't abandon us again," the words slipped out before she could stop them.
She wished fervently that she could take them back as Their Dragon's gaze snapped up and he stared at her, stunned. She was also very aware of Remy's startled shock beside her. This time it was she who lowered her eyes, unable to meet the stricken look on Tsuzuku's features.
Tsuzuku's heart paused for a moment as Tannis' words echoed through his mind. He focused on her and surmised that she had, somehow, sensed his intentions. He started to try to explain, wanting them to realize and understand why he had to do this thing, wanted them to understand just how much danger his presence in their lives would bring them.
"You don't understand! I...and my brothers, are being hunted by the Gyushu!"
"We know that, Cher," Remy reminded him with a small, hard smile.
"My presence will put you in danger!"
"We know that, too, Tsuzuku," Tannis told him softly.
"I can't let that happen. I won't let you get hurt again!"
"Tsuzuku, Cher, it don't matter. We all together again, for good or bad. That the way it supposed to be, neh?" Remy stated what was so obvious to himself.
Tsuzuku could do nothing but stare at them both, frustrated. Why wouldn't they understand? He retreated again as Tannis took a step towards him. She continued after him, slowly and with deliberation, and after four more backward steps of his own, he halted and stood his ground, certain now that she would just follow his retreat until she ran him into a wall.
Don't, he whispered at her in his mind as she slowly reached for his clenched hands, knowing that if she touched him all his failing resolve would be lost. She took his hands into her own, then looked up at him. Remy glided up to stand behind her and put his hands on her shoulders as his star-flecked eyes locked onto Tsuzuku's own. Then Remy's left hand left Tannis' shoulder and moved hesitantly towards him. Tsuzuku twitched violently as the graceful, long fingers came to rest on his shoulder. For a moment the pressure of them lifted as he reacted to their presence, then they were on him and firm again and he saw an expression of determination harden Remy's features.
"I don't know what to say to you!" he half-pleaded, half-snarled at them both, frustrated in so many ways, conscious and unconscious, that it was tying his thoughts into chaotic knots.
"Then don't say anything. We want you, you want us. Why are you making it so difficult?" Tannis asked him somewhat sharply.
"I don't want you to be hurt again," he tried once more.
"I'm willing to take that chance," she told him.
"I'm..." She cut off his reply with her finger against his lips once more.
"So am I, Cher," Remy also assured him as he moved around him.
I'm not! the rational part of his mind insisted as both of Remy's hands came to rest on Tsuzuku's shoulders as he moved in close to press against Tsuzuku's back.
I'm not... he stared at Tannis, willing her to understand, willing his stubbornly resistant body to move away from them as Remy's hands slid down his back. They curved around his sides to cross across his stomach, and he couldn't move, couldn't speak as Tannis continued to explore his face with her fingertips. He felt trapped, out of control, as her hands trailed down his neck and chest and then wormed under the light pressure of Remy's hug. She leaned against him, her hands ending up on Remy's hips as she turned her face to rest her head against his chest.
I'm not... Tsuzuku found himself trembling in their embrace as his instinct and desire warred with his rational mind. Gods! It felt so right...so good! They just held him as his thoughts collided and tumbled, trying to reason a way out of this as their heat seeped into him, igniting his own simmering and denied need into a flame that flickered throughout his whole being.
"Let us love you, Cher," Remy murmured into his ear and Tsuzuku heard and understood the many levels of meaning that underscored that request.
He glanced down as he felt Tannis move her head and gazed into her face, wondering if she truly offered as much. The smile she gifted him with was sweet and yet at the same time sultry. Her expression changed into one of inquiry as she returned his regard. He had no answer to his question, but knew that she was willing to do this. His inner, rational voice stuttered to a halt. He couldn't resist them anymore. He nodded, unwilling to trust his voice. The two exchanged glances, then moved to his sides, Remy taking his left hand and Tannis his right. He followed unresisting as they led him toward the bedroom, his heart pounding with a mixture of dread and anticipation.
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